Saturday, March 1, 2014

The Update That Wasn't

I swear I would post more if I had anything to post about.  My life is ridiculously boring right now.

J's CT scan showed nothing at all - not even a hint of fatty liver.  Labs are being repeated on 3/14, he sees his regular doc on 3/21, and the gastro in Pitt on 3/26.  Maybe by April, we'll know something.  I'm hoping.  Regardless, he has been feeling better since he stopped the drug we suspected.  His rapid weight gain has rapidly fallen off again, and he's not having so much cramping.  I'm wondering if it's possible that the drug was the culprit and it just took a while to get the numbers to start coming down again.  Or, you know, it was just a random thing.

Monk had his 100th day of school on Friday.  Of course, with all the snow days we've had this year, it's more like his 17th day of school, but whatever.  They had plans.  One of his many activities was to make a necklace of 100 pony beads on a string.  Simple.  Little Miss has been obsessed with that necklace... She wears it around as much as he'll allow, and she's pleased as punch about it.  When I went out for groceries Friday evening, I decided to grab some beads and string so they could make their own necklaces during the next round of apocalyptic snow...  I got them out tonight after dinner, because someone kept asking me, "Make my own bracelet, mama?  Do it now?  Peeeeeeease?"  Let me tell you, that girl put beads (beebs) on string until I thought her fingers would fall off.  When it was time to stop (because it was bedtime - I'm not just an evil tyrant), she had a total meltdown.  100% lost her shit.  It took a solid half hour of consoling and promising that we'll "play beebs" again tomorrow to get her to calm down enough to go to bed.  I may have an artist on my hands here...

Monk's last wrestling meet was great.  He won his first trophy!!  We've had a couple trophies via soccer, but they were participation trophies.  I never felt like he earned them.  This one was different.  He took 3rd place in his division, and I thought he was going to beg to sleep with the trophy.  My voice died, I busted blood vessels in my hands beating the wrestling mat while he was up, and we were beyond exhausted.  But every second was worth it.

....Even though I picked up strep throat at the tournament and nearly died.  Do you have any idea how miserable strep is when you're nearly 30?  It's nothing at all like it was when you were 12.  There is nausea, and chills, and holy shit the pain.  Miserable, I tell you.  Little Miss went to the doctor with me and told him, "Mama is sick. She needs a shot.  I'll hold her hand, you fix her."  Shockingly, he did give me a shot (steroids), and she did hold my hand.  She's pretty darn awesome like that.

Friday, February 14, 2014

The Snow That Wouldn't Stop

I live in WV.  It's winter.  I get it.  But is all this snow really necessary?  Somehow, the storm that was predicted to bring us 1-3 inches yesterday ended up dumping more like 11.  Tonight, it's supposed to start all over again and bring another 3-6.  I'm done with snow.  Really, truly, done.

In other news, J's labs from the gastro appointment were disappointing, to say the least.  The thing we thought was hepatotoxicity from a new prescription seems to be something else.  I'm not even being coy - we have no idea what it might be.  He stopped the offending drug, and the values still climbed twenty points each in the eleven days between appointments.  Something is very wrong, and we don't even know how to slow it down.  They scheduled a CT for next week.  If we don't get an answer there, I don't know what's next.

Little Miss and her attitude are 100% in the house.  This morning (Happy Valentine's Day...) she informed me, "Me don't 'ike you anymore," just before she stormed down the hall and slammed her door.  What did I do to earn this?  I told her she couldn't have a chocolate "pup cake" for breakfast.  She's TWO, people.  Two.  I hesitate to even consider what her teen years will be like.

Tomorrow, if we don't all die under a snow drift, Monk has a wrestling tournament here in town.  This will be the only local one we've had - all others have required an hour or more of travel.  Tourney days are hard, but having it 5 minutes from my house will make it much easier.

(Little Miss just informed me that she saw a frog outside.  Something tells me there's not a frog hopping around in all that snow.)

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Disappearing Act

You won't find anyone better than me.  I post, I run, I hide, I don't post again for months.  Awesome, isn't it?  Not so much.

So what has been happening at the Crazy [Beautiful] house?  Too much, really.  And it's not just too much stuff, it's just too much.  We're overwhelmed in a lot of ways.

J's health is tanking on us.  We don't know why, we don't have root cause, we only know that his liver is pretty sick right now.  We're just in the beginning stages of this journey, and there's a lot up in the air right now.  In July, his blood work was textbook.  On January 31, he went for his regular 6 month checkup, and the blood work was distinctly un-textbook.  Liver enzymes are through the roof.  We saw a gastroenterologist on Feb 11, but there is a lot of testing yet to be done to figure out exactly we are and how we got there.

Monk is doing pretty well.  We're in a very long and drawn out testing process for ADHD, among other things.  We've known it was coming, but we wanted to wait until he was more emotionally mature before we started testing.  He'll be 6 in April, and it was just time.  Like, really.  He's having trouble focusing enough to get dressed without help.  He's of above-average intelligence - he just can't slow his brain down enough to really see what's going on around him.  We hope to get more answers next week.  I'm really optimistic.

Little Miss is TWO.  She's extremely two.  She's two going on thirteen.  She is ridiculously smart, thanks in large part to being a second child.  Monk teaches her a lot - she can say her ABCs, count to 20, and recognize some letters and numbers.  She knows her name and her brother's on sight.  She makes jokes, she thanks anyone who gives her a compliment, and no one can believe she's only two.

The house, as always, is a work in progress.  Renovation is an addiction.  We know we won't be in this house forever...  It's too small TODAY, so I know that if we ever have another child, the house will become miserably tiny.  We would sell and move now if it was an option.  But, alas, we keep throwing money at this one.  We built a master suite in the basement when we were matched with S and working through the process.  Now he's gone, we have an extra bedroom upstairs, and another project that needs finishing touches.  Then in June of last year, the entirety of the sewer lines had to be replaced, which meant taking out the basement floor on the half that was still workshop as well as our bathroom.  Since we already had the floor and wall out, why not build the bathroom we wanted initially?  Enter a new bathroom build.  It's nearly finished, so I expect something else will get torn apart and rebuilt soon.  We just can't help ourselves.

I'm back in school full time, but online only.  With J's health and the kids, I can't venture too much right now.  I had just gone back to work when he got this diagnosis.  We're at the doctor at least once a week for the foreseeable future, and work doesn't fit into that.  It just can't.  He and Little Miss were thrilled that it didn't work out.  Seems like I might be missed when I'm not home.

So, there's our insanity in a nutshell.  I'm trying to be like a duck - calm and collected on the surface, but paddling like hell under the water.  It's a work in progress.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Done & Over

Yeah, so foster care?  Not happening.  We walked that path for about a year.  Actually, it was nearly a year ago that we started our licensing process.  Since then, our placement failed on the kid we licensed FOR, we fostered four kids, and we've been totally miserable.  Our children have suffered, our marriage has suffered, our mental health has suffered.  We just aren't cut out for this right now.  It's not happening.

In other news, the kids we do have?  The ones who are spectacular and beautiful and amazing?  They're doing great.  Em is TWO!  Holy shit, when did that happen?!  She's having entire conversations with me every single day.  She gives me belly laughs constantly.  Monkey is 5 (and a half, mama!), going on 15.  He started kindergarten this year, and man alive... So smart.

It's all happening so fast.  We were just missing too much when we had extras here, you know?  When we foster, we do it 120%.  I'm taking them to the doctor constantly, specialists and surgeries and fixing years of abuse and neglect and everything else.  It's late nights and early mornings and behavior problems and brain damage and exhaustion.  It's amazing how fast I feel so much better.  How fast our family is back to what we wanted it to be.  How fast we realized just how far off course we had wandered.

So we're back.  And we're happy.  And we're whole, even if it didn't work.  Because sometimes? Sometimes maybe you just need to be reminded to be thankful for what you have.  <3

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Long Time, No Blog

[Insert apology and excuses here.]

Em is 8 months old! Holy freaking crap, how is that possible? I swear I just brought her home from the hospital last week... She's crawling (in her own fashion - an Army low crawl) and she would really like to walk now please. She still does not have a single tooth in her head. She's eating solid food like a champ (doing BLW). She just gums it to death before swallowing. It amazes me how fast everything is happening.

Monk turned 4 on Sunday. He remains awesome. We have huge long conversations now, and he has his own opinions and thoughts and it's just glorious. We're having an issue right now, though. I guess it's probably why I came here. I need to talk about it.

He had his kindergarten vaccinations on Thursday (my doc does them at the 4yr well child). TDaP was one of them, so his arm hurt pretty good for a while. Tetanus is a bitch no matter what. It hurt so bad Thursday night that he was in tears while I was changing him into his jammies for bed. Last night when I was changing his clothes, I noticed that it was really red. It wasn't just the injection site either - it was about half his upper arm. J said he had noticed him scratching it earlier, so we decided to check it again in the morning and go from there. He woke up at 4am needing a drink and a potty break, and the arm looked a lot worse. I decided to let him finish sleeping and take him to urgent care later in the morning. About 10, I loaded him up and off to urgent care we went. I was freaking out thinking it was a bad vaccination reaction... It's cellulitis. A nasty bacterial infection of the skin. Apparently, it's relatively common in the toddler set, most likely because they have grubby little kid hands and they scratch at things that itch. The needle opened a spot in the skin and his bacteria-covered fingers did the rest. So now we're doing 10 days of antibiotics and watching it like a hawk to make sure it doesn't get any worse. Any signs of worsening take us right back to urgent care or an ER. Why? Because cellulitis can lead to sepsis - that's why.

All evening last evening, I thought something wasn't right about it. Lots of people reassured me, telling me that redness around an injection site was common and that he was probably fine. The worsening is what made me seek treatment, but damn... What if I had just listened to everyone else? What if I hadn't trusted my instinct and taken my kid to the doctor? It's not terribly easy to find a doctor at 10am on a Saturday. I could have just as easily said it could wait til Monday. And I could have caused some serious damage with that mindset.

I guess I'm just being reminded of how fragile the balance is. How easily things can happen or be overlooked and how much even a seemingly small decision can change outcomes.

So if you have your kid vaccinated and notice that the area around the injection site is super duper red and fevered and angry.... Take them to the doctor. Better safe than sepsis.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011


I missed a day. I knew it would happen eventually. I have a good excuse though! My kitchen is not a disaster area! It was all day yesterday, but now it is not. The island is gone and the counters are replaced. Oh, the ceiling is painted, too. I still need to paint the walls, paint the cabinets, and buy a floor. The floor will have to wait a little while. We had planned on this being a free sprucing up, and so far, we're about $300 in. Not terrible, but also not budgeted for. Before we drop another $300 on flooring, we need to budget a bit.

Miss Em rolled over last evening. She was on her tummy, then she was on her back. She looked quite confused about the whole ordeal. I think 4 days short of 3 months is early for such things.

I need to get my crap together so I can go shopping. I'm going out with my mom and my aunt today. Sam's Club, here we come.

Sunday, November 6, 2011


Today, my daughter laughed for the first time.


There are no more words necessary.