Sunday, May 29, 2011

Since I Missed Friday Night Leftovers...

...this will just be a Sunday morning brain dump.

  • I didn't sleep much last night. The heartburn was so bad that I woke up with acid in the tube between my nose and throat. That burns like fire, just in case you were wondering.
  • If I have to tell Monk to get off the dogs one more time this morning, I may jump out the window. Do they just LOOK like furniture? I'm at a loss.
  • My baby shower is officially set for June 25. We aimed a bit early because of the doctor's concern that she may come before her due date. And this way, we still have plenty of time to buy the things we need.
  • I STILL haven't bought a crib. It's on my to-do list for June. I've been too busy sitting around on my butt.
  • Ditto for car seat, stroller, pack and play, etc.
  • We went to my mom's yesterday for a cookout. It was really nice to be able to just sit around on her porch and talk to everyone. She's going to ban me from her house at the end of June, so I need to visit as much as possible. (My mom lives 5 miles from pavement - about an hour from the nearest hospital.)
  • We've been watching Leapfrog movies on Netflix. Monk is obsessed with Numbers Ahoy, because it includes pirates. "Where's da piyate go?" At least he falls on my side of the pirates vs. ninjas debate. Pirates win. J is disappointed.
  • The Critter's movements have changed a lot in the last week or so. Kick counts are still good, it just feels different. She's obviously getting bigger every day. Instead of erratic flutters, it kind of feels like purposeful readjustment. Also, I think she may be made entirely of knees and elbows.
  • I'm torn on the crib thing... Do we buy middle of June when we have a nice chunk of change coming in, or do we wait until after the shower in case we get gift cards that may reduce our out-of-pocket cost? I think I'll go ahead and buy before. It's not like there's not other things we will need that we can use the cards for.
  • Mark is coming to get Monk in just a few minutes, so I guess I should get him out of his pajamas and into something more reasonable for a Sunday lunch date.
You should still go see Danifred, just because she's cool. (And it's not her fault that I'm unable to remember to blog on Fridays.)

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

OB Update

My OB appointments are becoming slightly less mundane. Not in a good way.

Today, my blood pressure was 132/80. That combined with the epic swelling I've been experiencing has led the doctor to do another pre-e workup. In addition to the 2 vials of blood I lost today, I also have to do a 24-hour urine catch so they can check for total protein. Grrrreat. There was no protein or sugar in my urine at the appointment today, so I'm kind of annoyed at having to do a 24-hour catch. I want what's best for the baby, and I want to know that I'm healthy enough to carry her to term. I just feel like my doc is being REALLY cautious. She also wants me to start doing a BP log. Anything top number over 160 or bottom number over 100 sends me directly to the hospital.

I'm still way down on weight gain. She's cool with that, considering my starting weight. I'm considered healthy right now, not obese. Yay me.

I'm only measuring ONE week ahead now, instead of four. Just a week. This is good.

Based on the results of my last ultrasound (26 weeks), she is going to talk with another doctor at the practice about the fact that the dates might be wrong.

We talked about my delivery fears. She really discourages planned c-sections. She had one herself, and found the recovery to be miserable. She told me that we'll try vaginally (unless a condition arises that requires a c-section, like a ridiculously large baby or an emergency due to pre-e), and that if I don't progress or the baby doesn't engage, I can ask for a c-section at any time. Assuming, of course, that I haven't passed the point of no return. I'm satisfied with this.

I know this sounds silly coming from a former infertile, but I also signed the paperwork for a tubal today. Pregnancy has not agreed with my body, we don't want to split our time/attention/money between three children, and we only have a three bedroom house. We have talked about it at length, and feel that a tubal is the best option. A doctor in Germany (when J was stationed there in the army) once told J that the odds of him ever fathering a child were slim to none. J can't remember the exact explanation, but it had to do with broken blood vessels. I'm guessing a varicocele. Without being terribly blunt, I think it was more of a consistency issue for him. We changed a few things, changed the consistency, and kerblammo, we were pregnant. I honestly think that the odds of that happening again are slim to none, but we really want to be sure without me having to suck down hormonal birth control (or temp) for the rest of my menstruating life. SO tubal will be done the day after delivery, unless I have a c-section, in which case they'll just do it while they're in there.

I'm off to bed now. We bought a 1977 Corvette yesterday and spent most of the day driving around. It was spectacular, and I think it wore us both out. (That, or giving both dogs a bath tonight.)

Sunday, May 22, 2011

28 Weeks

I haven't done any real documenting of this pregnancy. I don't really feel BAD about it because I kind of suck at documentation. It's just part of who I am. I've been taking belly pics for a while, on and off since the first bit of belly really started at 16 weeks (being a big girl to start with, I didn't show as fast as some).

My week changes on Saturday, so that's normally when I try to get a picture. J is better at remembering than I am, but sometimes I just don't feel like doing the pics. Makes me feel more like a side show.

Anyway, after all the swelling this past week and the fact that I've made it to the third trimester (and viability), I am kind of proud of my belly today. This has been hard work - I'm not one of those people who just gestates without realizing it. I am reminded every day in some way, whether it's heartburn or round ligament pain or toes that look like sausages. I choose to celebrate this milestone. While I wish the celebration could include a large glass of wine, instead I'll just share a belly shot.


I go back to the OB on Tuesday, and I'm curious to see how far ahead I'm measuring now. Last time, I was measuring 4 weeks ahead. I definitely think that looks like more than 28 weeks...

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Don't Rain On My Parade

We took Monk to the short parade last night. Short, but still a little over an hour long. We walked around the carnival for maybe an hour before that. By the time we were finished, I was miserable. Hands and feet were swollen to epic proportions and my hips hurt really bad. I had some shaved ice and a bottle of water and a cup of soda during all of it, I sat down for the duration of the parade, and I was still miserable. I guess parades are just not for me this year. I'm going to line up a babysitter for The Critter next year so I can go enjoy it. (My mother will kill to babysit - I know this already.)

Mark opted to go ahead and go to today's parade because his dad wanted to go. His dad is incapable of caring for himself in a fully stocked house, so he can't be left alone at a parade. So, Monk is with me and J all day while Mark and his pops hang out on the side of the road for a few hours. Exciting stuff. So far, we've already had several time-outs. He was up past his normal bedtime last night and my stupid dogs woke him up before his normal waking time. I'm just trying to bide my time until it's reasonable to put him down for a nap. Then I might take a nap, too...

Friday, May 20, 2011

Friday Night Leftovers



  • I'm fascinated by the comments on Jen's latest post. If you haven't read them, you should, and then jump in on a discussion. It's turned into kind of an infertility mixer over there. It feels like a bunch of people sitting around a living room talking. I dig it.
  • I forgot to mention it, but we found out at court on Tuesday that the court records are sealed on Monkey's case. There is no "legal" way for him to find his biological parents if he ever decides to pursue that. Of course, we have copies of everything and we know their names. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, though I honestly doubt they will still be alive by the time he's 18.
  • I've been trying to save money lately. At the grocery store last night, I compared the price per load on powder vs. liquid laundry detergent. The savings is only two cents per load. I'm sticking to liquid.
  • I'm stepping back my iron supplements. My guts are rebelling. I finally remembered to ask what the number was, and it was 10.3. It wasn't THAT bad to begin with, so I'm pretty sure I can just change my diet and remedy most of it.
  • I dreamed about the baby last night. She always looks the same in every dream - bright blue eyes and a head full of coal black hair. I know all babies have blue eyes, so that's probably pretty normal. Last night's dream was meeting her for the first time. Someone laid her on my chest and I swooned. I tried desperately to go back to sleep and recapture the moment, but it was gone. How can I miss someone I've never met? I have an incredible longing to meet her, hold her, touch her... The next 3.5 months are going to go really slowly, I fear.
  • I caught a glimpse of my profile in shadow last night. Wow. I mean, I feel the giant belly tugging on me and I touch it constantly, but I hardly ever really LOOK at it. That was a little strange.
  • In the shower, I'm always a little amazed by it. I've always just been "fat." Now, my belly is tight and almost perfectly round. I'm not the pregnant woman in the magazines or anything, but I have a very iconic shape right now. It's almost surreal to be in this place.
  • My dogs need a bath. They smell weird. It's been raining for like, a month, and they play outside a lot. I hate bath nights.
  • It's Strawberry Festival time around here. Tonight, we're going to the Fireman's Parade with Mark and Monkey (and ex-father-in-law, yay). Monk is very excited to see the "pietrutts."
  • Monk's lip is looking a bit better. There's still a piece of stray skin hanging, but it's kind of like when your lips are really chapped. It would probably help if he stopped sucking on it all the time.
  • I'm kind of bummed about Festival this year. Tomorrow is supposed to be the one nice day (pretty much all month), and there is a huge parade (like 4 hours, people - it's serious). Problem is that it's supposed to be 80 degrees, and anytime it gets over 70, I swell like a blow fish. I really want to see the parade, but I really DON'T want to make myself miserable in the process. I need something like an air conditioned glass box so I can watch the parade from the comfort of air conditioning.
Go check in with Danifred for more Friday Night Leftovers.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

The Hits Just Keep On Comin'

Monkey arrived shortly after I posted yesterday, and J got home not long after that... We were playing around and having fun before dinner, and Monkey was running through the house. He was running full tilt in the living room when he tripped over his tricycle and face planted into a speaker. Of course, the corner of the speaker hit him right in the mouth. He was on his knees with his hands over his mouth, and I grabbed him up. When I was finally able to pull him away from me long enough to look at his face, I saw that he was bleeding. Lots. Not scary amounts, but mouth wounds bleed a lot.

I carried him to the bathroom and J tried to help me get him cleaned up. THAT wasn't happening. Monk told J in no uncertain terms, "Go in da udder woom!" We finally peeled his sweaty bloody clothes off at least and got him in something cooler. During the screaming, we were able to look in his mouth. No broken teeth, but a big hunk missing out of the inside of his lip. As I was struggling to wipe his face off, I found the missing piece. On his forehead. Oops.

J had put the dogs out when it all started because they didn't know WHAT to do with a screaming injured kid. When Monk started to get his wits about him, he wanted his dogs back inside. J told him that the screaming scared them, so if we let them back in, he had to try to stop screaming. It worked, by golly. The screaming stopped and he finally asked for a drink. Then a banana. Then some medicine because "my mouf hurts, Mama."

Today, he has a REALLY fat lip and he has to watch how he eats things so as not to hurt the lip, but I think we'll survive. If I can never see him that miserable again, that would be excellent.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Kick Me

Do you ever feel like you're paying for your good days with bad days? I feel like that today.

Yesterday was wonderful. The time with the judge took all of about 15 minutes. Monkey's days in foster care are OVER. He officially has parents again (after having no parents and being a ward of the state for almost 2 years). I made a breakfast casserole for brunch and everyone seemed to love it. I just kind of wish I had added mushrooms... After brunch, we napped Monkey while Mark ran to the store and picked up last-minute stuff. Then we headed to the heartless retail giant and had portraits done to commemorate the big day. It was important to us that Monkey be able to look back at the pictures and say, "That's the day. That's exactly what I looked like on the day I got my new name." Maybe someday he'll share them with his own children and tell them his story. Maybe his children will even come to him the same way he came to us. I'm excited to see who he becomes.

There were a couple of bummers for me yesterday. First, the fact that my ex-father-in-law came in for the festivities. We've never been friends, and now that Mark and I are divorced, we're even LESS friends. It sucks to be stuck with someone who doesn't like you, especially on an important day. I've always felt that he thinks he's better than I am. It isn't any better now. He and J talked a lot and he didn't outright do anything hateful, I was just generally uncomfortable. I'm sorry that more of Mark's family didn't come in to support him, but I'm also glad there weren't more of them for me to deal with.

The other bummer was my first REAL bout of round ligament pain. The belly is getting rather large... I was on my feet and lifting Monkey a lot yesterday, so I guess I just overdid it. Any change in movement was a pretty serious pain by the end of the night.

Oh yeah, one more bummer. The doctor called. I don't have full-on gestational diabetes, but I am glucose intolerant. Dr. Google says that means that my numbers weren't bad enough to be classified diabetic, but they weren't good either. I think it's kind of a cop-out. Diabetes is something you either have or you don't. A glucose tolerance test is truly testing the limits of your system to metabolize all that sugar with no help at all from other foods. We need protein to process glucose. It's not fair to judge a person, especially one whose system is taxed by pregnancy, to metabolize sugar super fast with no proteins at all. Anyway, they are referring me to a dietician, who will doubtlessly tell me that I have to knock off the Oreos and macaroni and cheese. I may punch her.

Today has been one screw up after another. First, I found out that I hurt a friend's feelings yesterday. I knew in the moment that I was being snippy, but I didn't realize how bad I sounded. She happens to be the person we're buying our house from. It was some bullshit about paperwork the bank needed to prove we carried homeowner's insurance. We gave her a copy of the policy when we got it, but all of a sudden the bank doesn't have it and it's an emergency. I told her she had the paperwork, our insurance company wouldn't release the info to the bank until we gave them a copy of the contract (which she still hasn't had notarized), and that I was pregnant and tired and bitchy and now wasn't a good time to talk about it. When J had to go to their house this morning, I guess she was pretty choked up about it. I apologized, but I'm sure the damage is done.

I'm taking classes online through a large university (one that doesn't advertise during every commercial break). Since J is retired military, I am eligible for reimbursement for my schooling. Except that the VA has messed up every step of the way. I had to fill out the application online, then my school would send them certification of my enrollment. Except they lost the application, so when the certification came, they didn't know what to do with it. Instead of filing it somewhere, they just sent it to ME. I called, and they searched for the form. The woman told me that while they were looking for it, I could go ahead and fill out another one to make sure my bases were covered. Almost AS SOON AS I hit submit on the second one, she called to let me know they found the first one. Okay fine. I called today to follow up, only to find that they don't have any record of ever receiving my enrollment certification. And they have me listed as J's child, not his spouse, because his ex-wife is still listed as his spouse. So I had to send them our marriage license in hopes that they will finally get it all figured out. They're currently searching for my certification. Let's see how long all this takes to iron itself out...

On top of everything, the iron supplements are doing awful things to my digestive tract and I have had constant heartburn since yesterday afternoon. Neither Zantac nor Tums seems to be having any effect at all...

I kind of just want to go to bed and wait for it all to be over. But Monkey will be here in an hour and I need to put on my happy face and play dinosaurs for a while. He's good medicine, so I'm sure I'll be feeling somewhat better by the time bedtime rolls around.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Three Hour GTT

Oh. My. Goodness. I don't ever want to have another 3 hour glucose tolerance test as long as I live. Luckily, the lady in the lab was really nice and we joked around a lot. The glucose drink tasted like crap and made my tongue burn. Then it hit my stomach like a ton of bricks and it took a lot of effort to not throw up. If you throw up, they make you go home and come back another day to start all over.

The worst part of it was not being able to eat or drink. I had to fast after midnight, which meant no breakfast (or even a glass of water). Then I had to drink the super sugary drink (100 grams of glucose in not-very-much orange drink), and STILL couldn't eat anything for 3 more hours. They did let me have small sips of water though. As much as it sucked, I managed to follow the instructions. Go me.

The lab people said that the doctor should be calling me today with the results. It's 2:30 right now and they close at 4, so I don't know if they'll get around to it today or not. I called them just a few minutes ago and they didn't have any news for me.

I kind of feel like I got hit by a bus. I'm really really sleepy and I can't nap because, well, there's this 3 year old... He'll be napping soon (late, because his daddy is picking him up on his way home from the airport with grandpa), so maybe I'll grab a short nap then. I really should be cleaning my bathroom or my kitchen though. My mom will be here tomorrow.

Tomorrow morning, at 8:30, Monkey goes to court. We're doing a small brunch afterwards with immediate family, then we have an appointment for pictures at 1. Then we get a break until the big party at 6. Then I am going to come back home and unceremoniously pass out until sometime Wednesday afternoon.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Everything The Same...

  • Heartburn every second of every day (at least it seems like it).
  • Getting huger by the minute (at least it seems like it).
  • Had an hour long ugly sobbing hyperventilating cry session last night over something silly. Did you know you can cry til your nose bleeds? You totally can.
  • I'm hungry constantly.
  • I pee constantly. (This is worse since starting the iron, though I'm not sure if they're actually connected.)
  • My mom told me the story of my birth. The one where I weighed 7lb13oz and she had to have 17 stitches. Jinkies, Scoob.
  • Monkey's adoption will be final in less than 48 hours. I will post a jpg of his adoption announcement and the world will get to know his name.
  • I am tired, and Monkey just woke from his nap ready to PARTY.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Thinking and Planning

As of Saturday, I will be 27 weeks pregnant. That means The Critter is viable no matter who you ask. I might actually bring a baby home this summer... Holy shit.

I didn't mean to offend anyone when I referred to myself as a wimp for thinking about a planned c-section. Very VERY sorry if it came off that way. My thought process isn't clear to others sometimes, and I should explain things better.

Right after we found out I was pregnant, we watched The Business of Being Born on Netflix. Bad idea. Bad. It put J on a whirlwind crusade against c-sections and pitocin. These are Bad Things to him now. Things that should only be used in case of emergency. But, the thing is, I was told before I was pregnant that I would likely need a c-section. At my first appointment with this OB, around 8 weeks, I was offered a c-section. It's just THAT clear that my body isn't really built for this. But, I pushed on. I decided that perineum massages with olive oil and lots of kegels would fix the problem and everything would work just fine.

In the meantime, I'm consistently measuring big. The Critter is measuring big. While I know LOTS of people fail their 1 hour GD test, I am a little concerned that maybe I DO have GD, given the size of the baby and the mama. That means big baby. Big baby, small space. Ow.

Then, I remembered the story of my mother giving birth to my brother. Baby Brother was a whopping 9lb 3oz, where I was only 7lb 13oz. When Baby Brother was born, my mom had nurses pushing on her stomach from the top to help push him out. He was engaged too much for a c-section unless it was a total emergency (and this was 21 years ago). He ended up with a broken collar bone and she ended up with a giant tear. After he was born, the nurses kept talking about how much blood was on the floor. While the doctor stitched Mom, she asked how many stitches she was getting. His response was, "I'm not counting, I'm quilting." It was bad.

So now it seems that my list of Bad Things doesn't match up exactly to J's list of Bad Things. I've talked to him openly about my concerns, and he's open to a c-section with the understanding that this is my body and if I'm nervous about a vaginal birth, I need to explore the other option. And, well, he doesn't really want my girl bits completely destroyed either. At the same time, I feel disappointed to jump straight to c-section. It means that my mom can't be with me when The Critter sees first light, that I'll have a longer more painful recovery, that I won't be able to lift my 3-year-old for six weeks. Those things are breaking my heart. I don't know what the right answer is here.

Yeah, I know, I'm 27 weeks and I don't have to make a decision today. But it's weighing on me and I need to vent. I really need to just bring all this up at my 28 week appointment, and see what the doctor has to say. I'm guessing that this is a relatively normal freak out and she'll tell me that I can try it vaginally and we'll see how it goes.

In other news, I'm going to start the hospital lists. List of things to pack for me, J, and The Critter; list of people to call, text, or email; list of foods that I've had to give up because of heartburn that someone should bring me while I'm at the hospital... You know, the usual suspects.

With that, Monkey just woke up for the day and I need to get him up and feed him so we can go shoe shopping for his big court date on Tuesday. Kid needs some new kicks.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Good News

I had my ultrasound this morning. The Critter still tried to keep her face buried in my pelvic bone, but we were able to get her to move around some. I took a walk and had a little bit of sugar to get her moving. From what we can see, everything looks fine. Probably no cleft lip. The palate isn't really visible, but the lip/nose look good.

She is measuring solidly at 28+ weeks. I am only 26w3d. According to the measurements, due date looks more like August 1 than August 13. We shall see. Her legs are actually measuring at 30 weeks, but she's just long. Estimated weight is 2lb, 7oz, or 89th percentile for 26 weeks.

I honestly wonder if the dates are wrong. I felt like there was something going on in early November, but I got my period. It was lighter and shorter than usual, but it was there. My current dates are based on my LMP being Nov 6.

May I be frank for a moment? My lady bits are not designed for child birth. At least, not for a child of a large size. Maybe one that's tiny. This one is enormous. At my first OB appointment, when he did the PAP and everything, his exact words were, "You have tiny tiny vagina." My hips are wide enough to accommodate a child, but the tissue itself? Um. Not so much. When we first started sleeping together, J was SORE after the act. Because the area is so small. I'm terrified of having this child. I'm seriously starting to consider a planned c-section. I feel like a wimp, but all I can think about is a 3rd or 4th degree tear and never being able to have sex again. I'm freaking out. For real.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Blah

I had my gestational diabetes test today. They also tested hemoglobin and hematocrit levels. The good news is... wait... I don't think I got any GOOD news today.

I flunked my GD test. I'll be taking the 3 hour on Monday.

My iron levels are "dangerously low." My prenatals offer 150% of my daily recommended value of iron. Tomorrow, I start more iron supplements. Anemia would explain why I feel like ass so much of the time.

My insurance requires prior authorization before ultrasounds, aside from the 20 week anatomy scan. They haven't obtained this authorization yet. My ultrasound is scheduled for 11am tomorrow. We'll see how that goes. As of right now, I don't have much faith that it'll be taken care of.

Why do I suck at being pregnant?

Saturday, May 7, 2011

That's What I'm Talking About!!

You know that thing you guys did yesterday where you came and told me that I belong, no matter what? That's exactly what I needed. Seriously. Thank you.

Today seemed like a looooong day. J woke up sick and came back to bed, which he never does. When I got up with Monkey at about 8, he didn't even notice. He was dead to the world. Then, around 10 or so, he went BACK to bed and stayed there til almost 2 this afternoon. He was a sick puppy. I think he might have had a stomach bug or something. He felt worlds better after his morning and afternoon in bed, so it was worth it.

Of course, I felt kinda half crappy and so did Monkey. The dogs were their normal obnoxious selves. It was a long day til he got up and rejoined the party. He offered me a nap when he got up, but I just kinda felt like I needed to suck it up. Parenthood ain't always a walk in the park...

Monkey has never had a "store bought" hair cut. I have always just buzzed his head with a #4 guard on a regular trimmer. We decided to do it tonight. Biiiig mistake. Well, not huge, but it wasn't good either. His adoption finalizes in ten days, which means he'll be in court. And we have portraits scheduled for that afternoon. We'll have to tighten up the hair around his ears before that day. Ugh. I bribed him with cookies AND ice cream, and J and I still couldn't get him to sit still long enough.

I decided to go do my GTT this coming Monday. Since I may be feeling sick after (as you guys pointed out), I might as well do it on a day that I can come back home and go to bed. Monkey will be with his dad that day and I don't have anything scheduled for the afternoon. I love a good excuse to go back to bed anyway. I'm not excited about the test at all. And everyone has different advice to offer - you'll fail it on an empty stomach and you'll fail it if you have breakfast. I can't win. But I REALLY don't want to do the 3-hour.

Okay, Monkey is sleeping and J is done with all his J-stuff and it is now time to sit down with Netflix, Bones (season 3), and my sweetheart. Good way to wind down....

Friday, May 6, 2011

Friday Night Leftovers

This edition is brought to you by the aches and pains of pregnancy. How exciting!!
  • Jen does Friday Night Leftovers, and it's a good way to get something on paper without having to put too much thought into it. I need this right now.
  • Monkey got to go ride his tricycle in the street today. This was a huge event for him. We live on a cul de sac, so we don't have a ton of traffic. He had a blast.
  • I'll be 26 weeks tomorrow. Depending on who you ask, fetal viability varies. Some say 24 weeks, some say 27. Most agree on 500 grams. At the ultrasound I had at 23 weeks, her estimated weight was right around 547 grams. I'm sleeping easier.
  • We have reached the point where I can watch The Critter move in my stomach. This generally happens in the evening, or after I had something sugary like juice or chocolate. Yes, I know I'm not supposed to eat chocolate. A single Hershey Kiss here and there isn't going to do a ton of damage, I'm certain.
  • I get to go for another ultrasound on Tuesday. Hate the possible complications, love getting to see the wee fetus more often.
  • Debating whether to do my glucose tolerance the day of my ultrasound or go back to the hospital another day. Ultrasound is scheduled for 11am. I guess I could go at 9:30 and do the GTT, then wait around for my ultrasound... Something tells me I'll want to eat something after the test, though.
  • I finally got all the paperwork done for the foundation we started in honor of my grandmother. Just need to write a giant check, and mail it all off to the IRS. Then, we wait. I'm not good at waiting.
  • I've had a post percolating in my head for a while about how much I miss being a part of the blog community. I miss my peeps. But I was part of the infertility community, and my husband was actually the one who was infertile. After my divorce and subsequent remarriage, I feel like a fraud in the infertility community. It sucks to feel like you don't belong anymore.
  • On a related note, I'm afraid of putting myself out there too much. I'm afraid someone will stop by and ask how I got pregnant. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I got pregnant by having sex. We're so so lucky. Again, I feel like a fraud. But I want so badly to share this with my internet community - you know, the one I'm not a part of anymore.
  • I'm overly emotional.
  • Can I be completely honest about something? Let me preface it by saying that I'm infinitely grateful to be carrying this child, and I feel like it's so much more than I deserve. When I think about meeting our daughter for the first time, I cry like a baby... But I really hate being pregnant. Really.
  • I have 14 more weeks of being pregnant ahead of me. This makes me a little sad.
  • It is time to go settle in and watch something with Xavier for an hour or so before he goes to bed. I'll be going shortly thereafter. Not sleeping so great these days.
Go hang with Danifred and find out who else is serving up Friday Night Leftovers.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Ennui

I'm not sure what's up with me today. Maybe it's the weather. I kind of just want to go back to my bed and hibernate. It's one of those days where I'm afraid to even speak because everything will come out all wrong. I guess I'm just hormonal. This post will likely be a rambling mess of a brain dump. Sorry...

I'm down to 104 days til my due date. A woman on my birth board has already given birth (at 22 weeks), and a friend of mine who is 4 weeks behind me was in the ER last night with worries about preterm labor. These are scary days. I want The Critter to stay inside and grow as long as she can, but I'm also anxious to meet her. I can't wait to introduce her to her dad. She's gonna love him.

The shower is in a couple months. We haven't done our registry yet. Every time I try to get J to go do it with me, there's something else that has to be done. I'm not mad about it, but I'm starting to get kind of annoyed. I understand that the house needs finished, but it really won't take that long to go do this. Blah.

We were supposed to go to a birthday party today. It was going to be a lot of fun and Monkey was going to get to play with other kids his age. Instead, it rained. Again. Like it has every other day for the last month. I'm kind of done with rain for a while. We may take Monk to the movies today instead. We shall see how that pans out.

Tucker and Bo have been wrestling nonstop since we got Tucker. It's calmed Bo down a lot and he's not as demanding anymore, but jeez. It's like living with two pro wrestlers. Who knew a doberman and a beagle mix could make so much noise?! Yesterday, I went out to check on J (who was working on the hot tub), and noticed a couple dozen blood drops on my deck. I asked J if he had hurt himself. Nope, wasn't him. Came back inside and Bo was sleeping on the couch. Apparently Tuck got his ear during a wrestling match. Just nipped the very end, but it bled like crazy. Surprisingly, I didn't see them wrestle all day after that. At least, not until right before bedtime. Go figure.

Okay, me and my bad attitude are going to go find something to do. Boredom is contributing to my crabbiness, I think.