Thursday, May 12, 2011

Thinking and Planning

As of Saturday, I will be 27 weeks pregnant. That means The Critter is viable no matter who you ask. I might actually bring a baby home this summer... Holy shit.

I didn't mean to offend anyone when I referred to myself as a wimp for thinking about a planned c-section. Very VERY sorry if it came off that way. My thought process isn't clear to others sometimes, and I should explain things better.

Right after we found out I was pregnant, we watched The Business of Being Born on Netflix. Bad idea. Bad. It put J on a whirlwind crusade against c-sections and pitocin. These are Bad Things to him now. Things that should only be used in case of emergency. But, the thing is, I was told before I was pregnant that I would likely need a c-section. At my first appointment with this OB, around 8 weeks, I was offered a c-section. It's just THAT clear that my body isn't really built for this. But, I pushed on. I decided that perineum massages with olive oil and lots of kegels would fix the problem and everything would work just fine.

In the meantime, I'm consistently measuring big. The Critter is measuring big. While I know LOTS of people fail their 1 hour GD test, I am a little concerned that maybe I DO have GD, given the size of the baby and the mama. That means big baby. Big baby, small space. Ow.

Then, I remembered the story of my mother giving birth to my brother. Baby Brother was a whopping 9lb 3oz, where I was only 7lb 13oz. When Baby Brother was born, my mom had nurses pushing on her stomach from the top to help push him out. He was engaged too much for a c-section unless it was a total emergency (and this was 21 years ago). He ended up with a broken collar bone and she ended up with a giant tear. After he was born, the nurses kept talking about how much blood was on the floor. While the doctor stitched Mom, she asked how many stitches she was getting. His response was, "I'm not counting, I'm quilting." It was bad.

So now it seems that my list of Bad Things doesn't match up exactly to J's list of Bad Things. I've talked to him openly about my concerns, and he's open to a c-section with the understanding that this is my body and if I'm nervous about a vaginal birth, I need to explore the other option. And, well, he doesn't really want my girl bits completely destroyed either. At the same time, I feel disappointed to jump straight to c-section. It means that my mom can't be with me when The Critter sees first light, that I'll have a longer more painful recovery, that I won't be able to lift my 3-year-old for six weeks. Those things are breaking my heart. I don't know what the right answer is here.

Yeah, I know, I'm 27 weeks and I don't have to make a decision today. But it's weighing on me and I need to vent. I really need to just bring all this up at my 28 week appointment, and see what the doctor has to say. I'm guessing that this is a relatively normal freak out and she'll tell me that I can try it vaginally and we'll see how it goes.

In other news, I'm going to start the hospital lists. List of things to pack for me, J, and The Critter; list of people to call, text, or email; list of foods that I've had to give up because of heartburn that someone should bring me while I'm at the hospital... You know, the usual suspects.

With that, Monkey just woke up for the day and I need to get him up and feed him so we can go shoe shopping for his big court date on Tuesday. Kid needs some new kicks.

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