Friday, August 19, 2011

Bits and Pieces

Spinal Headache - OMFG ouch. I had a massive migraine-like headache that started the night she was born and continued until Monday night/Tuesday morning. That's five full days, in case you were counting. It was easily a 9 on the pain scale, a 10 at times. There were moments that it felt something like a 437. Laying down was the only thing that would make it stop. I would be happily sleeping, then she would need to be fed, I would sit up in bed, and it was like someone dropped a cinder block on top of my head. NOT recommended. A procedure called a blood patch would have fixed it, but instead, I lied my fool head off to everyone and told them it was just sinus pressure or pain from a strained neck. Tuesday morning, I got up with no pain. I felt like a million bucks compared to the days prior. Since then, it has stayed away. It should be over for good.

Newborn Sleep - The first couple nights were really rough. She would sleep like a champ in her pack n play all day long. Three or four hours at a time, even. Then we put her in her bed. I was lucky if she slept an hour and a half between wakings. That really wasn't working for me. I took the first part of the night, and J took over around 3am so I could sleep a bit. I started tossing ideas around with my mom the other day, and we figured out that there is noise of some sort in the living room all the time. The TV, Monkey, us talking, something... So we put a radio in Em's room the third night. She slept 3-4 hours at a stretch, only waking for feedings and changes. I function much better like this.

PPD - The baby blues hit me like a ton of bricks on Wednesday. Suddenly, I was convinced that J was going to leave me, something would happen to the baby, etc etc etc. I cried most of the day. I called my OB's office and they immediately called in the same anti-depressant I was on pre-pregnancy. I started it last night, and I hope to start getting back to normal soon. As normal as I get, anyway...

Hemorrhoids - Pushing was not kind to me. I had some minor 'roid issues during pregnancy, but this is ridiculous. Witch hazel is my new best friend. I didn't realize that if it doesn't go away relatively soon, I may need surgery for it. Yikes. Any tips to get it to go away super fast would be greatly appreciated.

Mother of Two - The transition hasn't been as hard as I feared it would be. I love both my kids to the end of the earth and back. It's hard sometimes when I'm feeding the baby and Monk needs a drink right this very second. Monk is definitely having to learn to have a bit more patience with me, and that's actually going really well. He did tell me today that the baby is not cute or pretty - she is just a baby. But he loves touching her and holding her, and every time she squeaks, he runs to the pack n play and asks me, "What's wrong wif it?" It's the beginning of a beautiful relationship, I'm sure.

Marriage - I know that my hormones are out of whack, and that evolution provides us with certain feelings so that we don't all end up single parents... But damn I love my husband. I was talking with my BFF yesterday, and the best way I came up with to explain it was that it feels like every feeling I have right now is magnified. I feel so much more in love with him now than I did in the seconds before her birth. I don't know if it's completely hormonal or what. I think this is what led to a lot of the crying and fear of him leaving. I'm just so much more attached right now. I want to crawl inside his skin and stay there. Nothing else feels close enough.

Physically - I'm actually doing really well. Most of the perineal pain is gone. I still have bruising, but the stinging is over. The hemorrhoids suck, and that is probably my single biggest discomfort right now. I think it's a cruel joke that my sex drive came back before my ability to satisfy it did. Anxious to be able to do that again. I'm also anxious to get back to the gym, drag my laundry up and down the stairs, take Monk out on his bike, etc. Four weeks is much too long and I don't know that I'll last. Something physically demanding will occur before that. I feel too damn good to just sit on my butt.

Tubal - I'm seriously thinking about not having it done. J was supposedly sterile (as discovered by an army doctor in Germany), and hadn't ever had children before. This is through two marriages and countless other relationships. At 45, this is his first. I just think that our Em is a miracle baby, and lightening doesn't strike twice. I don't know. I'm too hormonally jacked up to make any kind of reasonable decision right now. The doctor won't do it until after 6 weeks now anyway, so we have time to think it through.

And now, my tiny smooshy baby is hungry again. Monk and I will watch Rango (AGAIN) while I feed her, and then J will be back home and he and Monk will play like they're both toddlers. I may live in a zoo, but it's mine and I love it dearly...

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