Sunday, October 30, 2011

Halloween Picture Post

I'm exhausted after a children's festival and trick or treating, so we're just going with a picture post tonight.

Monkey kept telling people, "I sink I'm a Spiderman."

Em seemed wholly unimpressed with the entire experience.

But they did look cute cuddled up together on the couch. It looks like Spiderman saved a tiny baby piglet. My stepdad says this picture reminds him of Charlotte's Web. My daughter was then known as Wilbur.

And then we all fell asleep with little to no fanfare at all.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Long Week Ahead

The ex is going out of town for the week, which means Monkey will be here. This is a good thing, don't get me wrong. It just changes up our schedule a lot because I have to drive him to school and pick him up every day. J is going to try to rearrange his work schedule so he can drop him and pick him up as he travels. I'm hoping that works out.

I'm excited for trick or treat this weekend. Halloween is one of my favorite holidays, and I can openly enjoy it again now that I have children. Can't wait to dress the kids up and go get some candy. I like candy.

Kind of annoyed with J right now. His friend needed someone to watch her kid because she has to work. He asked me if I would mind if we took this kid trick or treating with us on Sunday. I said fine, grudgingly. The kid is a monster. Doesn't listen to anything, has no manners, I just can't stand him. He's only 2. It's THAT bad. He's kind of like Mowgli or something. Anyway, whatever, we can take him. Then I hear him talking more to his friend about picking the kid up TONIGHT. Suddenly, the brat will be here all weekend. Not. Freaking. Cool. But what am I supposed to do? Start a fight, break his heart, and get my way? No. My gut says that's not fair to him, but making these plans without consulting me wasn't exactly fair on my end either. I'll be the bigger man. I'll put up with it this weekend. And I'll make it very very clear that it won't happen again. Thought I did that last time this happened in January, but apparently not.

I'm off to figure out what to make for dinner. Yes, I am that unprepared. It's 6:30 and I don't have a CLUE what we're having. Oops.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Not Great at Daily Posts

But I don't completely suck either. I'm trying.

When Em was born, my epidural got jacked up and became a spinal. My hip was hurting like a MOTHER after delivery, and I just chocked it up to the assault on my body. Childbirth is kind of intense. Then, 48 hours later, they pulled the catheter out of my spine. When that happened, my hip lit up like the fourth of July. We figured it must have been sitting on a nerve. It was like fire.

Fast forward 2 months... I hadn't had any issues with it. It was a little tender for a week or so, but nothing terrible and it went away. One day, Em was in the floor in her bouncy seat, and when I bent to pick her up, my hip lit up just like the day the pulled the catheter. White hot.

That was about 3 weeks ago now... I've been to my chiropractor twice. I'm thinking I might need to see an MD soon. I'm actually kind of worried that I got nerve damage or something. I can't take heavy duty pain meds because I have to be mama all the time. J has been working, doing general contractor things, and he's not home 24/7. I'm kind of out of ideas, other than finding a real doctor.

Monday, October 24, 2011

What Happened To One and Done?

The entire time I was pregnant, I swore I would never ever do that again. It was too hard on my body, my marriage (because I was a bitch), and my mental state. And, well, another pregnancy would mean giving birth again and I just couldn't imagine that being something I would want to do a second time.


Em is the world's best baby. I am not kidding. She's stunningly beautiful, loves to cuddle, is cool on her own (in her bouncy or on a playmat), sleeps 12 hours a night (from roughly 2 months), rarely cries (even when she's teething way too early)... And she's also growing up way too fast. It's strange, this place I'm in. I want my snuggly newborn back, but I'm also anxious for belly laughs, patty cake, first words, etc. I am madly in love and I want every moment with her at one time.

So I've been really contemplating the thought of having another baby someday. There's nothing saying we even CAN. Em was an unexpected miracle. The doctor said J would never have a child, and now his mini-me is sleeping in the next room. Is it wrong to even hope that it would happen again? Could I handle another pregnancy - this time with TWO other children? I would obviously wait a while. Maybe til she was 2 or so. I would try for a winter baby this time, too. Being pregnant during one of the hottest summers on record really added to my misery.

I know it isn't a decision I have to make right now. It's not even one I have to make in the next couple years. I'm 27, so I (probably) have several years of relatively good eggs left. I guess what's weighing on me is the realization that I'm NOT entirely against the idea. I'm really really thinking hard about it.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

New Beginnings

This is the part where I vow to write every day, no matter how boring my life is, no matter how little anyone else would care to read it. I'm writing every day. Please hit me if I don't.

Today is Day One of the cloth diaper experience for my wee small infant. I wanted to do it from birth, but I just couldn't afford the up-front cost for all the diapers. Our income has changed and we have more Em-money available now. I bought 12 to get started from CottonBabies. I'm using the bumGenius 4.0 right now. They were on sale on a Buy 5 Get One Free promotion. Two free diapers? Yes please. At the moment, she is in her fourth cloth diaper of the day. I even survived a poopy one. I am quite pleased with myself.

I'm a bit taken aback by the bulkiness of cloth in comparison to disposables. I knew it would be different, but I didn't expect it to be THIS different. I'm sure I/we will get used to it in time.

Both my dogs were killed on Tuesday. It was a very awful day and I really don't have time to properly write about it... Maybe a post for another day. Suffice it to say there was much crying, a little yelling, and J stopped and bought me a bottle of Captain Morgan on the way home from work with the promise that he would be Em's primary caretaker for the night. (Side note: the booze only made me cry more.)

We got a cat on Wednesday. I can't live without a pet of some sort, and after what happened to the dogs, I didn't want another dog right now. (Okay, fine. It was a toxin. We don't know what or how. I only know they got out of the yard, they came back vomiting, within an hour they were both stumbling around like they were drunk, and they had to be put down.) The cat's name is Salem. He is coal black, but he has tiger stripes in the right light. Cute cat. Doesn't fill the massive void or heal the emotional damage.

Em, at 2.5 months old, is sleeping 12 hours a night. I've always been a believer in good sleep training from the start, and apparently I'm good at it. There has been zero CIO (though if you chose to utilize CIO, I don't think you're a bad parent - just not my preference), and very very few missed naps. She goes to bed between 7-8pm, gets up between 7-8am, has a morning nap around 10am and an afternoon nap around 1-2pm. She kind of cat naps in the evening between 2-7, but doesn't really SLEEP. Does that make sense?

She is growing so fast. It kills me. I want my newborn back, but at the same time, I love the way she smiles when I diaper her, the way she lights up when she sees me or J, and I'm looking forward to belly laughs. She's right around 12 pounds now, and at her 2 month appointment, was 23.5 inches long. We grow 'em big. She's smiling, cooing, and eating like crazy. I've never been more in love in my life.

I need to write a post on adoption vs. childbirth, but that is a deep subject and I don't have my hip waders on right now.

Monkey is... 3. Three is hard, people. Like, wow. He started Head Start, and it has only made things worse. I hoped it would make things better. Peers! Playtime! Structure! Not so much. He has learned things like Whining! I detest whining. He has become MUCH more verbal and conversational since beginning Head Start, so it's not all bad. We have entire conversations that make sense now. He's also growing like crazy. He is going to rocket off the growth chart eventually. Birthmom was over six feet tall, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. He and Em still have the exact same nose and when I have them both out in public, someone inevitably comments on how much she looks like her brother. God has a way of putting the right kids in the right family, even if by unconventional methods.

I'm doing much better. The postpartum issues are still there a bit. I'm still medicated. I still have my days. I never want to hurt anyone or anything. I just kind of cry a lot. I'm told it's normal. Doesn't exactly feel normal, but I can deal. I kind of can't believe I just had a baby 2.5 months ago. I feel amazing physically. I guess I expected to still feel like crap. But I don't. I'm good.

I'm down two pants sizes from my pre-pregnancy size. VERY happy about that. The general consensus is that pregnancy was hard on my body and took a lot of my fat stores. In the end, I got a ridiculously healthy and happy baby, and I feel great. So... not complaining. Don't want to do it AGAIN, but this one is totally worth everything it took to get her here.

And now, she is telling me (via the baby monitor) that she is finished with her nap and would like to get up now please. I need to go tend to my wee one. I WILL BE BACK TOMORROW. (Hit me if I'm not, remember?)