Tuesday, November 8, 2011


I missed a day. I knew it would happen eventually. I have a good excuse though! My kitchen is not a disaster area! It was all day yesterday, but now it is not. The island is gone and the counters are replaced. Oh, the ceiling is painted, too. I still need to paint the walls, paint the cabinets, and buy a floor. The floor will have to wait a little while. We had planned on this being a free sprucing up, and so far, we're about $300 in. Not terrible, but also not budgeted for. Before we drop another $300 on flooring, we need to budget a bit.

Miss Em rolled over last evening. She was on her tummy, then she was on her back. She looked quite confused about the whole ordeal. I think 4 days short of 3 months is early for such things.

I need to get my crap together so I can go shopping. I'm going out with my mom and my aunt today. Sam's Club, here we come.

Sunday, November 6, 2011


Today, my daughter laughed for the first time.


There are no more words necessary.

Saturday, November 5, 2011


The kids are in bed. J is watching a movie. All I have the attention span for is random web surfing. Mostly Facebook, but a little of this and that as well.

Monk is FINALLY (at 3 and a half) pooping in the potty. No accidents for two days. He got to wear big boy underwear today and insisted on calling Mamaw and Daddy to tell them all about it. We are THRILLED. I have no clue what the hold up was, but I went all tough love on him, he did it, then I showered him with praise and rewards (five fruit snacks is like a jackpot to that kid). It worked. That's really all I care about right now. Since we're already firmly in TMI territory, I must share an amusing story from today. He had diarrhea this afternoon, after his nap. He was using the bathroom like a big boy, clearly having intestinal issues from the sounds of things, then I hear him yelling, "Mama!! My butt just got sick a lot!!!" It amused me greatly.

Em has discovered her hands. She's been watching her feet with great interest for a while now. Recently though, she found fingers. They wiggle! They move! They taste great! They can grab things! It's so amazing to watch her become a real human.

Painting the kitchen turned into remodeling the kitchen. The island is coming out, the dishwasher is being moved, and a cabinet is being relocated. Then we'll have to do something with the floor where the island USED to be and probably end up reflooring the entire kitchen/breakfast nook area. Without that stupid island, we'll actually have room for a table, though. Not having a dining table sucks wind.

Mark is coming back tomorrow, and taking Monk home. He's matured so much this week with us. Hell, he's pooping on the potty. He was also potty trained with us. Mark is lazy when it comes to Monk. I'll be so sad to see him go tomorrow. We'll be back to Thursdays and every other weekend. :-(

I think J's movie is almost done. I'm exhausted. The kids will be up an hour early tomorrow, according to the clock.... Better hit the bed running while I can.

Friday, November 4, 2011


I am so stressed right now. Monkey is being very three. Em is not being difficult, but she is requiring much attention. My kitchen is halfway torn apart because we were starting to paint it before Mark decided to run off into the wild blue yonder. We were going to rebuild the deck this weekend, but it got delayed. J wants to work on the kitchen this weekend, but I'm just not sure how we're going to succeed in painting the walls and cabinets with Monk and Em here.

And now Em needs changed, and probably a nap. I might try again later, but I doubt I'll have time... This is hard sometimes.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Ex-Husbands SUCK

Fucking Mark. His flavor of the month is moving in with him. From Houston. So at the very last possible minute, he decided he was going with her to pack her stuff and bring it up here. I'm certain that he knew all along, but didn't want to tell me. So X has been here. All is cool. Until...

I told Mark a month ago that I was NOT AVAILABLE this weekend. Mom was taking Em, I was turning my whitelist on on the phone so only Mom could call, and J and I were going to rebuild our deck. Done deal. No negotiating. Of course, he called today to tell me that he won't be back in town until Sunday, was that okay? I said, "No, I'm pissed. I told you a month ago that I was unavailable this weekend." Somehow, he turned it into my fault that I'm pissed. Because I won't just send Monk to spend the weekend with someone else. Mom can't take him because he's a handful all by himself, let alone with Em. She just doesn't feel comfortable with it. I don't love that, but I deal with it. Whatever. He was just going to call up a random friend and see if anyone would take him! Um, not just no. FUCK no. He stays with me, with Mark, and he goes to Head Start. He doesn't really go anywhere else. I'm not just going to shove him in the corner of someone else's house and forget him so I can do what I planned to do.

So my deck will not get rebuilt this weekend. At this point, it may not get done til spring because I doubt the weather will hold for long. Of course, Mark doesn't care in the least because he's with his latest booty call and her happiness is the only thing in the world that matters to him. Forget Monk, forget that I gave him advance notice that I had plans, forget everything that isn't the flavor of the month. I just want to scream. Loudly. For a long time.

Anyway, whatever. I need to just get over it because some shitheads never change. Writing prompt for today:

Can you listen to music and write? What song did you hear today?

I can listen to music and do just about anything. There are times I want silence, but since Em came along and demanded music at all times or she would not sleep, I have come to deal with a certain amount of background noise at all times. I mostly leave the radio in her room tuned to the local Top 40 station, but when she's up and about, we often listen to music on the computer. My current favorite is Adele - I just can't get over her. When I get mad at Mark, I like to listen to her Turning Tables. "I've braved a hundred storms to leave you. As hard as you try, no, I will not be knocked down. I can't keep up with your turning tables, under your thumb I can't breathe..." I listened to it just a bit ago, actually. It might be the thing that keeps me from texting him to tell him to go to hell.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

In the Nick of Time

I only barely made it today. We spent the day at my mom's and we always get home late, then I had to get the kids to bed, then I needed to just CHILL for a while.

The prompt for the day:

If you knew that whatever you ate next would be your last meal, what would you want it to be?

I'm really not a big foodie. I miss this little country diner that used to be in my hometown. I always went there and ordered 2 eggs over easy with hashbrowns, sausage, and homemade toast. I miss that homemade toast so much. None of the others come close. I guess, if I had to choose something, then the gang at the old diner would have to make me my usual at the diner.

We had a fantastic time at Mom's. Monk got tired and whiny, but I'm used to that. Em got tired and whiny, and I'm not used to that. She's typically so easy to get along with. The big problem was that I didn't have a great place to put her down. I took her pack n play, but the only place to put it was the living room. You know, the one with my screaming 3 year old in it? Yeah. You see the problem, I'm sure.

After that experience, it is most definitely time for Mama to have a nap.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011


November is here, and with it comes NaBloPoMo. It is time to really crack down on posting every day. I don't always have a ton of time, energy, or mental clarity, so I can't say I will use each day's writing prompt, but I'll try to cover them when I can. This is a good exercise to get me back in the habit of blogging. I miss it terribly. I miss my peeps. I don't have a lot of peeps anymore.

What is Your Favorite Part About Writing?

I think it's that I can just monologue. I talk to my husband about everything, but sometimes I have to be careful. I have to mind his feelings. I have to not sound so crazy. I have to pause for questions and opinions. I don't mind any of those things, but they slow a person down and sometimes derail my thoughts. When I write, it's more stream-of-consciousness. I can just go and explore my own mind and stick it on the page. So what if I sound crazy? If feelings get hurt, I can explain my thoughts. Questions and opinions come in the comment box, long after I've finished saying what I needed to say. It's a better outlet than therapy for me because I can just say what I need to, go down the rabbit hole, and find out what's really on my mind. It leads to a lot of introspection for me.


Em is growing with insane speed. She's so big all of a sudden. She'll be 3 months old on Nov 10. Sometimes, I think, "Only three months?" It feels like I've had her forever. I asked J just last night, "Were we alive before she was born?" She's such a fixture in our lives. I know her schedule, her needs, what makes her laugh, what scares her. I can have the worst day and then she smiles at me, and it's okay. Other times, I think, "Has it been three months already?" It seems like just yesterday I was in the hospital, holding my squishy newborn. I was in shock that she was ours, that we were taking her home, that there would be no TPR to wait on or judge to approve our parenthood.

Monk is amazing. His conversational skills have absolutely exploded. And he has this way of cocking his head to the side and nodding sometimes, this weird reassuring gesture when he speaks. I asked him this morning what he wanted for breakfast, and he said he wasn't hungry. I said, "No cereal? Yogurt? Pop tart?" He thought about it and said, "Well, maybe I could just have some candies." Nodding his cocked head the whole time. He's also started to call things beautiful. "It's just so byoo'ful." Love it. He's started using the phrase my mother has been waiting for... "But Mooooommmmm." My mom is thrilled. I am amused. I'm sure that will wear off with a few more days of it. He's like a 12 year old in a 3 year old body.

I'm kind of bummed about the approaching holiday season. From the time I was born, every Christmas Eve was spent at Mamaw's house. After she became bed-bound, we moved the festivities into her room. Pictures from last year include a very pale and sick Manda sitting by her bed as we opened gifts. I was just barely pregnant and entirely sick. She was so happy for us. This will be the first holiday season without her. I have no clue what we'll do on Christmas Eve. Miss her. That's what we'll do. I'll miss her and think about how much I wish my daughter could have known her and wonder if she can see Em from where she is and I'll cry. Does heartbreak like that ever truly heal, or do you just get used to the pain?